Sex Toys and Masturbation, Safely: A Shame-Free Health Guide

Many people grew up believing masturbation is shameful, and some fear it will damage their body. I want to talk about this plainly as a health topic, because accurate information keeps people safe and helps many understand their own bodies better. This article focuses on women, but the safety principles apply to everyone.

Is masturbation normal?

Masturbation is a common sexual behaviour across all genders and ages. A US survey (Herbenick and colleagues, 2009) found that about half of women had used a vibrator, and most reported no harmful effects on their genitals.

Myths that are not true

• It does not cause infertility or make the body weak.
• It does not make the vagina loose or change the shape of the genitals.
• It does not mean there is a problem in your relationship. People with partners masturbate too; this is normal.

Reasonable benefits include learning what kind of touch your body enjoys, relaxation, and for some people, falling asleep more easily. Claims that it "strengthens the immune system" do not yet have good enough evidence.

How sex toys relate to health

Clinically, structured self-exploration (directed masturbation) is an evidence-based approach for women who have never reached orgasm, and vibrators make clitoral stimulation more consistent. Read more in orgasm difficulties in women.

For women with arousal difficulties (FSIAD) or pain with penetration (GPPPD), exploring the body slowly, at a time that feels safe and fully under your own control, can help reduce fear. But it should go alongside assessing the cause, not replace treatment.

Choosing safely: look at the material first

A simple rule: if it has a strong plastic smell, feels sticky or does not state its material, avoid it.

AvoidJelly PVC, soft rubberPorous, harbours germs, may contain phthalates, strong smell

FairHard plastic (ABS)Non-porous

GoodStainless steel, heat-resistant glassEasy to clean; beware of breakage

GoodMedical-grade siliconeNon-porous; don't use with silicone-based lubricant

Best avoidedSafer

Avoid anything with a strong plastic smell, a sticky feel or no stated material.

How to use and care for them

1. Wash before and after every use with mild soap and clean water, or as the manufacturer recommends. Take care around the battery and charging parts.
2. Use a lubricant that suits the material. Water-based lubricant is compatible with every material. Read lubricant matters more than you think.
3. Do not share directly with another person. If you share, cover the toy with a condom and use a new condom for each person, because infections such as HPV, gonorrhoea and chlamydia can be passed on via toys.
4. Do not move from anal to vaginal use without washing or changing the condom, to prevent infection.
5. Toys for anal use must have a flared base so they cannot slip inside. Read anal health 101.
6. Stop if you feel pain, numbness or irritation, and store toys in clean cloth bags, separately.

1. 1Wash before and afterMild soap and clean water, or per the maker
2. 2Match the lubricantWater-based works with every material
3. 3Shared: use a condomUse a new one each time you change partner
4. 4Anal to vaginalNever without washing or changing the condom
5. 5Stop if painfulNumbness or irritation; store separately in a clean cloth bag

Anal toys need a wide flared base. If one slips in and can't be removed, go to the ER.

Using them with a partner without either of you feeling replaced

Toys do not replace a partner; they are an aid to shared pleasure. Try starting with a conversation outside the bedroom about how each of you feels, choose together, and always keep consent at the centre. If the topic leads to arguments, it may be a sign that communication needs attention. Read common couple problems and how to talk them through.

When to see a doctor

• A toy has gone inside the vagina or anus and you cannot remove it yourself. Do not try with sharp objects; go to the emergency department.
• Bleeding, severe pain, fever or unusual discharge after use.
• You feel unable to control your sexual behaviour, to the point that it affects your work or relationships or causes distress. Read compulsive sexual behaviour.

At Dr. Kris Clinic, we can talk about these things privately and without judgement, whether it is about orgasm, pain or the safety of devices. English-speaking consultations are available at the clinic or online.