Lubricant Matters More Than You Think: Choosing a Safe Lube

There is one simple question I ask very often in my clinic: "Do you use lubricant?" Many people say no, because they feel embarrassed, think it is unnecessary, or think needing it means something is wrong with their body. In fact, lubricant is a health product that makes sex both more comfortable and safer. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Why lubricant matters for safety

• It reduces friction and tiny tears, which are an easy way in for infections such as HIV, syphilis and herpes.
• It lowers the chance of condom breakage, because a dry condom under a lot of friction becomes brittle and tears easily.
• The anus does not make its own lubrication, so lubricant should be used every time during anal sex. Read more in Anal health.
• It helps with vaginal dryness, for example after childbirth, while breastfeeding, around menopause or from some medicines. See Vaginal dryness and Painful sex.
• It feels better, reducing pain, which helps you relax and enjoy sex more.

What types of lubricant are there?

Polyurethane and nitrile condoms tolerate oil, but most condoms sold in Thailand are natural latex. If you are not sure, stick with water-based or silicone lubricant.

Water-based

Safe with latex condoms

• Washes off easily, no stains
• Safe with all toys
• Dries fast; reapply often

Silicone-based

Safe with latex condoms

• Long-lasting, a little goes far, works in water
• Good for anal sex
• Can damage silicone toys

Oil-based

Not with latex condoms

• e.g. coconut oil, petroleum jelly
• Weakens condoms so they break
• May raise vaginal infection risk for some

For hybrid products, read the label. If unsure, choose water- or silicone-based.

Household products not to use instead

• Vaseline or petroleum jelly weakens latex condoms within minutes, is hard to wash off and traps bacteria.
• Lotion, baby oil, skin cream, soap or shampoo contain fragrances and ingredients that irritate mucous membranes, and some contain oil.
• Saliva dries quickly, is not slippery enough and can pass on some infections.
• Cooking oil damages condoms just like other oils.

Ingredients to avoid

• Nonoxynol-9 (N-9), a spermicide once added to some gels and condoms. Research found it inflames the lining and increases the risk of HIV. The WHO does not recommend it, especially for anal sex.
• Very concentrated (hyperosmolar) formulas draw water out of the cells of the lining and cause irritation. The WHO recommends lubricants whose osmolality is not too high, which some manufacturers state on the label.
• Warming, cooling, tingling, flavoured or sugary formulas may cause irritation or increase vaginal yeast infections in some people.
• People with sensitive skin or frequent vaginal infections may want to avoid formulas high in glycerin or with certain preservatives.

How to use it well

1. Apply lubricant to the outside of the condom and to the area being penetrated. Do not put much inside the condom, because it can make the condom slip off.
2. Use plenty, and add more when things start to feel dry, especially with water-based lube.
3. Use a condom that fits properly, and change to a new one during long sessions or when switching from anal to vaginal sex.
4. With silicone sex toys, water-based lube works best. Clean toys before and after use. Read more in Sex toys and masturbation.
5. If you get stinging, itching or a rash after use, stop and switch to another product. If it does not improve, see a doctor.

1. 1Apply outside the condomAnd to the area of penetration; too much inside may make it slip
2. 2Use enough; reapplyEspecially water-based, which dries fast
3. 3Change the condomAfter long sessions, or when moving from anal to vaginal sex
4. 4Care for toysUse water-based with silicone; clean before and after
5. 5Stinging, itch, rash: stopSwitch products; see a doctor if not better

Avoid nonoxynol-9; WHO advises against it because it raises HIV risk.

If a condom breaks or slips off

Do not panic, and do not douche the vagina or rectum. If your partner's HIV status is unknown or they are not on treatment, contact a doctor within 72 hours to be assessed for PEP. See the steps in Just had an HIV exposure? What to do now.

When to see a doctor, and how the clinic can help

See a doctor if sex is often painful even with lubricant, or if you have bleeding, sores, unusual discharge or long-lasting anal pain. At Dr. Kris Clinic, I help find the cause of pain or dryness, advise on choosing lubricants and condoms that suit your body, and plan HIV and STI prevention that fits you. English-speaking consultations are available.