A Practical Guide to Choosing and Using Sex Toys Safely

Sex toys are something many people want to ask about but don't know who to ask: single people, straight couples, same-sex couples, and people recovering from surgery or going through menopause. I see this as a health topic, because anything that touches the genital or anal lining should be chosen and cared for as safely as any medical product. This practical guide builds on Sex toys and safe masturbation, focusing on materials, lubricants, cleaning, infection risk and the use of devices in sexual rehabilitation. It is written for every gender and every kind of couple.

Why device safety matters

In many countries, Thailand included, sex toys still have no clear mandatory standards for materials or labelling the way medical devices do. Buyers have to choose for themselves. There are three main issues to know about:

• Materials. Some have tiny pores that can harbour germs, and some may contain chemicals such as phthalates, which are used to make plastics soft.
• Cleanliness and sharing. Some sexually transmitted infections can survive on devices.
• Injury, for example a device slipping inside the rectum, friction causing sores, or a battery overheating.

A study by Sipe and colleagues (2023) tested 4 devices by mechanically abrading them and found plastic particles shedding, with phthalates present in every one. The researchers themselves called it a "worst-case scenario" test, and we still don't know how much adults absorb these substances in real-life use. The practical takeaway is: choose non-porous materials with clearly stated composition first, and no need to panic.

Choosing materials: non-porous beats porous

Buying tips

• Choose products that clearly state the material, from manufacturers you can verify.
• If it smells strongly of plastic, feels sticky or looks greasy, avoid it.
• "Phthalate-free" isn't always a guarantee. The study above found one device advertised as phthalate-free that still tested positive.
• Avoid devices with seams or deep grooves that you can't clean properly.

Lubricants and toys: getting the match right

If your vagina is easily irritated, or you are in menopause, choose a lubricant without fragrance, without warming or cooling agents, and that isn't too concentrated. Read more about choosing one in Why lubricant matters more than you think.

Cleaning and storage

1. Wash before and after every use with warm water and a mild, fragrance-free soap. Clean every groove and seam, then rinse off all the soap.
2. Pure silicone, glass and stainless steel without a motor can often be boiled or disinfected as the manufacturer specifies. Never submerge battery-powered devices unless they are labelled waterproof.
3. Let them dry completely before storing. Moisture is where fungi thrive.
4. Store each item separately in a clean cloth bag or box. Some materials react with each other when they touch and the surface can melt.
5. Check the condition before use. If there are cracks, a sticky surface, discolouration or a smell, stop using it.

Sharing, condoms and infection risk

Devices passed from one person to another are one route for sexually transmitted infections, such as HPV, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and trichomonas, as well as gut bacteria when moving from the anus to the vagina. The simple rules:

• A personal toy is best used by one person only.
• If you share, put on a new condom every time it passes to a different person, and wash the toy before passing it on.
• Never move from the anus to the vagina or mouth without changing the condom or washing thoroughly first.
• Porous toys should never be shared, even after cleaning.
• People with multiple partners should have regular STI testing. Read Common sexually transmitted infections.

Anal safety

The rectum doesn't have an end point the way the vagina does, so a device can be drawn in deep enough that a doctor has to remove it.

• Use only devices designed for anal use, with a base clearly wider than the toy itself (a flared base).
• Use plenty of lubricant. The rectum doesn't produce its own.
• Go slowly and stop immediately if it hurts. Pain is a warning sign, not something to push through.
• Never use household objects that weren't designed for this, such as bottles, vegetables or anything breakable.

Read more about looking after yourself in Anal Health 101.

Batteries, heat and electrical devices

• Charge with the cable that came with the device, and don't leave it charging overnight on the bed.
• If a device becomes unusually hot, swells or smells of burning, stop using it immediately.
• If a device isn't labelled waterproof, don't use it in the bath.
• Use a sensible vibration intensity. Some people feel temporary numbness after using high intensity for a long time, which usually wears off. If numbness lasts or happens often, take a break and talk to a doctor.
• If you have a pacemaker or another implanted device, ask the doctor who looks after it before using toys with magnets or electrical stimulation.

How to talk with your partner

Many people worry that their partner will feel "replaced". In reality, a toy is a helper, not a rival.

• Talk outside the bedroom, in a relaxed setting, not in the heat of the moment.
• Start with your reasons, for example "I'd like to try something that helps us enjoy ourselves more together" or "My doctor suggested it might help with what I'm dealing with."
• Choose together, and respect it if your partner isn't ready yet. Consent matters more than anything.
• Listen to your partner's worries. Some fear they aren't "enough". Repeated reassurance helps a lot.

If this keeps leading to arguments, it may reflect a deeper communication issue. Read Common couple problems.

Devices in sexual rehabilitation

In clinical practice, some devices are genuine tools that doctors and therapists use, not just toys.

• Orgasm difficulties in women. Step-by-step self-exploration combined with a vibrator helps make stimulation more consistent. Read Orgasm difficulties in women.
• Menopause and vaginal dryness. Gentle stimulation together with lubricant or treatment prescribed by a doctor can make sexual pleasure more comfortable again. Read Vaginal dryness (GSM).
• After pelvic surgery or cancer treatment. Doctors may recommend vaginal dilators and a gradual return to touch, starting only when your surgeon gives the go-ahead.
• Pain with penetration (GPPPD). Dilators are used together with pelvic floor physiotherapy and therapy, and shouldn't be forced on your own.
• ED or delayed ejaculation in men. A vacuum erection device is one of the options in EAU guidelines, and some vibratory devices have a role in triggering ejaculation in selected cases, as assessed by your doctor.
• People with physical limitations, such as arthritis or spinal cord injury. Devices with long or easy-grip handles help people look after their sex lives independently.

Evidence on medical use of vibrators is still limited but looks promising for arousal and orgasm, so they are best used as part of a care plan, not as a substitute for finding the cause.

When to see a doctor

• A device has gone into the rectum or vagina and you can't remove it yourself. Go to an emergency department immediately. Don't try to pull it out with sharp or hard objects.
• Severe abdominal pain, fever or heavy bleeding after anal use.
• Sores, unusual discharge, itching, burning or bumps after sharing a device.
• Genital numbness or pain that lasts unusually long.
• You'd like to use a device for rehabilitation after surgery, after childbirth or in menopause, but you're not sure it's safe.

At Dr. Kris Clinic we can talk about all of this privately and without judgement, from choosing devices that suit your body, to STI testing, to planning sexual rehabilitation for individuals and couples. Consultations are available in person at the clinic in Surat Thani and online, in English or Thai.