Genderless Fashion: Gender Expression Is Freedom

I once met a mother who brought in her teenage son because she was worried that he liked pastel clothes, long hair and painted nails. "Doctor, is something wrong with him?" After we talked for a while, it turned out he simply liked that style of fashion. He identified as a boy and had no problem at all. What was really stressing him was the teasing from people around him.

This shows how often we use clothes as a "label" to guess other people's gender or sexuality, even though they tell us far less than we think.

What is gender expression?

Gender expression is how we present ourselves to the world through clothing, hairstyle, makeup, mannerisms, voice or nickname. It may lean towards what society sees as "masculine", "feminine", neutral or a mix.

Expression is one of the axes of gender and is independent of:

• Gender identity: who we feel we are inside
• Sexual orientation: who we are attracted to
• Sex assigned at birth: the body we were born with

A man who likes wearing skirts may be a man attracted to women. A woman who wears suits and short hair may have no wish to be a man (review the different axes in gender identity).

Where do "gendered clothes" come from?

Rules about who should wear what come from history, society and culture, not biology. Some clear examples:

• In 17th- and 18th-century Europe, it was normal for upper-class men to wear high heels, long wigs and stockings.
• In the past, young Western children of both sexes often wore similar dresses. Blue for boys and pink for girls only became widespread in the 20th century.
• In many Asian cultures, men have worn sarongs, wrap skirts or traditional skirt-like garments since ancient times. Thailand has the "chong kraben", a wrapped lower garment worn by both women and men.
• In many countries, women have only been widely accepted wearing trousers in public within the last hundred years or so.

Put simply: clothes "have a gender" because society decides they do, and what society decides can always change.

1. 17th-18th century
   Men in heels and long wigs

   High-status European men routinely wore heels and stockings

2. In the past
   Young children in the same dresses

   Western boys and girls were often dressed alike

3. 20th century
   Blue for boys, pink for girls

   Colour-coding by gender only became widespread in this era

4. Under 100 years
   Women in trousers widely

   Many countries only recently accepted it in public

5. Today
   Unisex and genderless

   Many brands and artists proudly dress beyond the frame

Clothes are "gendered" because society says so, not biology. Thailand has the jong kraben, worn by women and men.

Genderless isn't just a trend; it's freedom

Today many clothing brands release unisex or genderless collections, and many artists and idols proudly wear things once seen as "cross-dressing". But behind the trend, the real point is that people should be able to dress in the way that feels like themselves, without waiting for anyone's permission.

For trans and non-binary people, dressing in line with who they are can mean something deeper than fashion, because it helps reduce the sense of mismatch between body and identity (see non-binary, agender and pangender).

How does dressing as yourself relate to health?

From a doctor's point of view, this isn't just about style.

• Having to hide yourself all the time, for example dressing the way others expect even though you feel uncomfortable, is a form of chronic stress.
• Being teased or bullied because of your appearance is linked to depression, anxiety and social withdrawal, especially in teenagers.
• Studies in transgender people have found that being able to use a chosen name and being accepted in daily life are linked to fewer depressive symptoms and less suicidal thinking.

This means that not judging people by their clothes is also one way of caring for the mental health of the people around you.

If you're a parent or someone close

1. Recognise that "my child likes dressing this way" doesn't always tell you their gender identity or sexual orientation.
2. Ask with curiosity, for example "What do you like about this style?", instead of forbidding or mocking.
3. If your child is teased at school, help them find ways to cope, rather than telling them "Stop dressing like that and they'll leave you alone."
4. If your child opens up about their identity, listen first and judge later, or better still, don't judge at all.

Read more about talking with your child in sex education for teenagers: a guide for parents.

1. 1Separate the issuesClothing doesn't always show identity or orientation
2. 2Ask with interest"What do you like about this?" rather than banning or mocking
3. 3Help them cope with teasingNot by telling them to stop dressing this way
4. 4Listen firstIf they open up about identity, listen; don't rush to judge

When to seek help

If clothing or appearance becomes a source of suffering, for example being bullied to the point of not wanting to go to school or work, serious family conflict, or feeling that your body doesn't match who you are to an unbearable degree, talking with a doctor or sexologist can help. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call 1323, Thailand's free 24-hour mental-health hotline (Thai language; ask for English support).

At Dr. Kris Clinic, I offer judgement-free counselling on identity, sexuality and family, both individually and as a family (see family therapy), in person in Surat Thani or online, in English if you prefer. If you are thinking about changing your body, read more in gender-affirming hormone therapy.