Why talking about sex matters
Talking about sex helps partners understand each other's likes, dislikes and boundaries instead of guessing.[1] The World Health Organization describes sexual health as including the possibility of safe, pleasurable sexual experiences free of coercion, and communication underpins that.[1]
A simple principle: start with your own feelings, and listen without rushing to judge.
What communication achieves
Talking clarifies boundaries and preferences without guesswork.[1] It reduces misunderstandings, such as assuming a partner is uninterested when they are actually tired or in pain, and supports shared decisions about STI prevention and contraception.
Who benefits?
Communication and counselling are approaches to care, not conditions with prevalence rates.[1] Every couple can benefit from talking more; the need for support depends on each couple's concerns and goals.
Why it feels hard
Many people grow up never discussing sex openly. Embarrassment, fear of rejection or fear of hurting the other person lead us to avoid the topic.[1],[2]
The less we talk, the more misunderstandings build up. Each partner guesses what the other thinks, often wrongly, and the cycle becomes harder to break.
Before you start
Consider what you want to talk about and what makes it hard.[1],[2]
- Choose a calm time and place, not in the middle of an argument or straight after a difficult moment in bed.
- Consider safety. If there has been intimidation, control or violence, a direct conversation may not be safe; seek individual support first.
How to talk, and what to agree on
Getting started[1]:
- Speak from your own experience, for example “I feel…” rather than “You never…”.
- Ask and listen, letting your partner share their side.
- Accept a no. Both of you have the right to decline.
Things to agree on may include STI prevention, contraception, wanted and unwanted touch, and a clear way to stop.[1],[2]
When it is too hard, couples counselling can make difficult conversations safer. Where there are threats or violence, prioritise safety and individual support rather than assuming joint counselling is appropriate.[1],[2]
How we care for you at Dr. Kris Clinic
We help you prepare for conversations about sex, such as sharing a test result, discussing prevention or expressing needs, and treat physical problems that can make talking harder, in English or Thai.
Couples counselling at Kris Care Space gives you and your partner a safe space to talk. If you feel unsafe in your relationship, we help assess the situation and connect you with appropriate support.
Frequently asked questions
How do I start talking about sex without it being awkward?
Pick a calm moment, start with your own feelings, and say you want to talk because you care about the relationship.
Can I change my mind about something we agreed?
Yes. Consent can change at any time, even for something you used to enjoy.
My partner won't talk about it. What can I do?
Try a relaxed moment, or use couples counselling as neutral ground.
If my partner is violent, should we go to couples counselling?
Safety comes first. Seek individual support first.
Describe your own experience, listen, and allow the other person to say no.[1] Safe communication is the foundation of sexual health.
Talk to a doctor about this
Confidential care in Surat Thani, the mainland gateway to Koh Samui, Koh Phangan and Koh Tao. Tue–Fri 17:00–20:00 · Sat–Sun 10:00–15:00 (UTC+7)
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Dr. Krida Uakridathikarn (Dr. Kris)
Board-certified family physician with certificate training in clinical sexology and sexual medicine. He works at Suratthani Hospital and provides sexual health, hormone and LGBTQ+ inclusive care at Dr. Kris Clinic. Profile and CV
References
- WHO: Sexual health
- ESSM Position Statement: Sexual Desire Discrepancy (2020)
- ISSM: What Is the Sensate Focus Technique?
Keep reading
Main guide: Kris Care Space
Different Levels of Desire in a Couple: Understanding and Finding Common Ground
Sexual Performance Anxiety: When Worry Gets in the Way
What Is Sensate Focus? Non-Demand Touch in Sex TherapyThis article is general education, not personal medical advice or a promise of results. Diagnosis and treatment require assessment by a doctor. Content reflects the cited sources as of the update date.